god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
