I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
