His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
