shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
