You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
