Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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