yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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