When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
