She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
