Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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