I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
