and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
