walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
