I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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