my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
