dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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