Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
