I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
