one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
