Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
