either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
