I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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