its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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