life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
