I cut my penus on the lid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
