Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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