i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
