he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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