i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
