Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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