I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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