u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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