I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
