You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
