i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
