Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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