all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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