just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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