awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
