IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
