It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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