I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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