It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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