so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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