A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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