when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
