thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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