I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
