I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
