I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
