HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
