y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
